My mum is a hero

"Madam, if you bring me back a Romanian Penal Code, I’ll reimburse you for it. What you’re doing is madness!" That was the response from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs at the dawn of our adoption journey. Yet, despite all the discouragements, here my sister and I are today, witnesses to this extraordinary journey.

The story begins here: After our father’s accident and resulting quadriplegia, our parents decided to pursue adoption. Through new acquaintances, they learned of two children in Romania who were living in dire conditions with their mother, who was struggling to keep them alive. The dictator Ceausescu, in power since 1965, had just fallen, leaving the country even more unstable. His dictatorship had plunged Romania into poverty and fear. Food was scarce, and many children were sent to orphanages. In this uncertain and dangerous context, our mother, driven by immense determination, embarked on a journey to Bucharest in February 1990.

I believe that moment was the most harrowing of her life, more devastating than even my father’s tragic accident. The memory of it haunts her still. She found us, two small children, frail and vulnerable, living in unbearable conditions. It broke her heart. From that moment, she resolved to do everything in her power to rescue us.

The adoption process was agonizingly long and fraught with obstacles. Romania, left without stable governance or laws, moved at a glacial pace. Yet, despite the stagnant bureaucracy and the personal danger she faced, our mother made several trips back and forth, fighting through doubts and exhaustion. Even as her strength waned and the weight of uncertainty grew unbearable, she refused to give up. Our father, though unable to travel, was her steadfast support, offering encouragement from afar. They had decided together: we were their children, and no matter how long it would take, they would bring us home.

Light appeared out of nowhere in early October 1990, when they were finally granted the right to adopt one child. It was now or never to leave, and people told her, "Leave with the girl while there’s still time." But our mother said, "I won’t leave without both; I refuse to separate them."

On October 11, 1990, my parents succeeded! Despite all the discouragement from officials and people who tried to obstruct her path, her courage prevailed, and today we are here.

Now, she watches over us from heaven, having been taken by cancer, carrying with her deep pains and wounds she could never fully express. One day, she confided in us that the memories of the adoption still haunted her. Meeting my sister and me left a deep mark on her, but what troubled her most was witnessing the separation from our biological mother, the heartbreaking feeling of taking children from another mother. This image, this weight, left her profoundly scarred.

She was a woman who, at only twenty-four, had to make a choice when our father was left paralyzed for life after an accident. She chose to stay, to stand by him, to build her life around him, and she always devoted herself to caring for others. For over forty years, she watched over and cared for him with quiet strength and unwavering loyalty. But what impressed me most was her determination to face adversity, setting out alone for Romania, into an unstable country, to write our destiny. She embodied a resilience few dare to imagine.

Sometimes, she suffered from living in the shadow of our father, that charismatic man admired by everyone for his remarkable journey. But in truth, she was never in anyone’s shadow. She was the light, shining without drawing attention, guiding us so we could shine. Perhaps, as humans, we are more drawn to what dazzles than to what illuminates, forgetting to see those who shine quietly. Many people work in the shadows, forgotten, yet essential in their humility.

Today, it is our turn to make her light shine, to share her story, a quiet but immense story that transformed the destiny of a family. She remains a beacon, an angel, whom we will never forget. My sister and I may not have been born into a warm cradle, but into a beautiful story of courage, sacrifice, and love.

This story told here has been condensed into a few lines. The reality was much more complex. There was another person who played a very important role, our biological mother. This courageous woman, who showed unspeakable love and sacrifice, made this adoption possible and changed our destiny.